The Quest for True Community: Finding Home in Connection

In a world where many yearn for community, real connections, support, and authenticity, we often find ourselves on a journey to discover what "home" truly means. For some, home is a physical place; for others, it may be the body or the heart. Yet, at its core, isn’t home a space where we feel safe, stable, and open to express and receive love?

After living in Dublin for 11 years, I embarked on a journey seeking love and connection, ultimately finding myself on the beautiful island of Koh Phangan in the Gulf of Thailand. I hoped to discover a community that mirrored the warmth of Dublin, but soon realized that many events here are labeled as "community" or "tribe," while the actual depth of connection seemed lacking. I found myself going to many events where people charge money and promote their services, but where no real connections can be forged. People would dance, hug, and connect in more superficial ways, calling that community. To me, community has the depth of intimacy—a real connection that goes beyond mere superficial interactions, quick moments of fun, and delves deep into compatibility and the profound exchanges we can offer one another. We are here to be mirrors of our own development, reflecting the essence of our souls and what they came here to learn and experience.

This brought me to a critical question: What is community, and what does it take to truly create one?

For me, community embodies a safe, stable, and organized environment, where respect flourishes, and boundaries are acknowledged. It is a space where everyone plays a crucial role in its development, contributing their unique strengths and passions. A genuine community fosters growth, evolution, transformation, and thriving—a place of safety and free expression where love, support, and comfort are always accessible.

But isn't this what every country or city offers? Isn’t Dublin like this? It checks all the boxes, aside from the often miserable weather.

So, could it be that community is more of a state of being? While it can be, true community requires co-creation and the commitment of all its members. It needs us to contribute, take initiative, and empower one another while being respectful of diverse perspectives.

If we seek connection, why don’t we actively initiate that process? Sometimes, we desire community without putting in the effort to build it ourselves, only to critique what others create. It’s easy to expect someone else to take the lead, yet real community flourishes when everyone steps up in their own unique ways.

What would it take for everyone to lead? How do we navigate uncomfortable situations or address abuses of power? When communities lose focus, what do we do?

The complexities of these questions mirror the challenges faced in larger societal structures. Countries are built on foundational systems that aim to address these very issues. Yet, despite our dissatisfaction with these systems, they provide a framework necessary for survival. The criminal justice system, while often criticized, is a reflection of our struggles with accountability and seeking to reintegrate those who have erred.

Anyone who has undergone deep healing knows this isn’t the work of the weak or those seeking shortcuts. It’s an endeavor undertaken by deeply connected individuals willing to confront their shadows repeatedly, understanding that light awaits on the other side.

So, is our world a co-creation? People express desires for society to be one way, often overlooking the burdens carried by those in power. I believe that everyone is doing their best, even if circumstances cloud our perceptions and make intentions appear sinister.

The shadows play a significant role—not just the shadows of the powerful but also those who critique from the comfort of their couches. Realizing the need for new structures to coexist with existing ones is crucial. Without this synergy, we struggle for survival. We should be grateful for the democratic structures that persist in many places.

Within these smaller, intentional communities, what is achievable? Can a community consist of just ten people? Absolutely. Daily circles, conversations, and shared experiences can foster community, even when individuals have their own responsibilities. Living in proximity, sharing meals, and coming together to connect—this is the vision we often dream of.

Yet, to make this vision a reality, we need investment—not just financial but also emotional and communal investment. The possibilities for creating authentic connections are truly within reach.

Let’s challenge ourselves to engage, co-create, and actively participate in building the community we desire, stepping out of our comfort zones to make meaningful exchanges. Together, we can find our way home.